“God, I dont understand?” “God bless our family, our country, our President, our world!”
I am sharing 1 day so I do not forget in my blog online. My days after my husband’s death December 2, 2015 were unfulfilling and sad until I got a message from the universe, or source, or God, if you will allow…
I was depressed due to not being able to make it without my husband’s income and not even able to pay for his funeral. He did not want to be cremated and had not made arrangements in all the years he was ill with diabetes for his parting this world. I knew not to press the issue so left it up to God and still am. I have not paid the funeral and need about 8500 to pay it off which is a lot of dollars for a widow on social security. I pray and I pray and I meditate, and ponder and I miss him and wonder what would Jesus do. I found out that God had a plan for me. It was to love God with all my heart, my mind, and my soul. The only way I could go on was to simply put God First! That was it. Simply as thank God for my life and figured out I was still here while those I loved were leaving the planet.
My Mother, My Father left in 2011 and I felt that it was their time to leave. But Tom my husband leaving me behind was more than I could bear in my soul. It was a life now filled with many nights alone crying on my pillow alone. I did not want to be alone but knew that I had no control. I felt helpless and penniless. I felt like a failure and unfulfilled as a woman. What would become of my life? I had to try to go on and make a life somehow.
One year later almost to the day or not too many after he died December 2, 2015 and I buried him on Pearl Harbor Day December 7, 2015, the always hated that day and always mourned on that day and he had no idea I would bury him on that day in the future. How could he have known but remembering how he would always ask me if I knew what day it was and would speak about it and get so sad now makes me wonder about how we may remember sad feelings in our soul body when we return or reincarnate here.
Life goes on even after someone looses a life partner. I have not been the perfect model of a soul. My life was full of sadness and yet somehow I always found a way to keep living and hoping for the best. Mother and her mother, and her mother before her I had known and watched them live and get by. I learned that life could be better and that each of the women before me had a life that was lived with love for others and self-respect. The women in my life endured hardships as wives and never had much and would lose their husbands and carry on. This was what I had to do.
My life changed and I had terrible weather happening where I was living in Beaver Dam, Kentucky, USA. That day my power though paid for the month went out. The electrical problems at a pole to my home caused the power to go out and it was so cold. The landlord had no money nor did I.
My life was in danger and I could feel a calling to a “WALK OF FAITH!” I prayed about what I should do and I knew my phone and power would finally not continue and I had to make some changes. Again in life, this was being forced on me. Just when I thought I could not have any more problems. Life of mine was undecided, uncomfortable, unpredictable, and my own home and place of comfort was no more. What was I going to do? I hated change. I did not want to move. I had to talk to GOD and my ministry began in full force. I had taken on the world of Ascension while in Hawaii from 1989-1993 so much so that I filed the name Ascension Center To own the name in Honolulu, Hawaii which I want to believe is still in the assumed names archives downtown in their building where we begin our filing of assumed names. Now, I wonder why I thought I could carry a cross of this blessing for those who would need support of what it is like to have a life of nothing but faith. Faith would have to carry me through and the message of what Jesus would do was not new nor was it my own. It was something that had spawned many people to adopt that philosophy to a point of wearing bracelets sharing WWJD on their wrists.
I had to move and I had to move fast. I packed my car and drove toward my daughter’s home in Gulf Breeze, Florida where I had visited her during the summer due to her life change with cancer. She was strong and wanted to do her life her way. Ginger Theresa Fay Parrish had been a house painter and had acquired Benzine Poisoning which caused her to contract Mylo Dysplastic syndrome known as the acronym MDS. My life would now be thrown into the area of hers and what would that become I had no idea. However, Stephanie Esther Parrish loaned me $100.00 cash via Wal Mart to Wal Mart which I paid back but that 100 was for gas and I did arrive safely to my new beginning in Gulf Breeze, People said, that was where they expected me to go after my husband’s death. Ginger had not called me to come down to stay with her in the hospital but her sister Stephanie did say that she was asking for me and as she thought she was dying she wanted her Mother and that was the June 28th, 2016. Well, it was not December 18th and the world was seemingly accommodating me in a weird way to move from my location. Weather and God had a plan and somehow the feeling of insecurity and anxiety was taking over my life. I had to change and I soon felt the unknowing of how things would turn out were overwhelming. I knew I had to go with the flow and I named this time in my life the chapter in this life would be called, “A Walk of Faith”.
The rest of my life would be my ministry. This was when the past back story now did not matter any more to me. What mattered was the here and now and learning to go forward. I had to believe in God and that there was a plan an a place for me and each minute I breathed would lead me there. I was going and I was believing that life was God and God was life. Life is what we make of it and all I could control was the way I chose to make my energy respond to the present circumstances around me. I knew I was a loving person and that I was in pain inside and my body and back, neck, and ankles, hurt all the time. I had to trust that a higher power that here in my life we call God. So God had a plan since I was still alive to use me where he needed me since I had to turn what was left of my time on earth over to him. I knew I was not in control okay.
That was the way I felt and I could tell death would be an easy out but I had died before and had full memory of this twice before and maybe it was time I should tell the whole story someday. Maybe when I got my life back to a place in space where I could have my own home again I could find the time to write again and continue my prior radio shows with friends who were spiritual in life. Well, that was what I would do, I would do the right thing. “I WOULD LET GO AND LET GOD!” The way I felt could only get better if I could simply trust in God and have faith. I was leaving everything I knew as life behind, I was listening to the tornado horn blaring in my ears while I went to the Wal-Mart to get the cash for gas and I was driving once again to Gulf Breeze, Florida. Well, this is what God planned for me I hoped and it would be my life served as a ministry. I was born Theresa Janette Thurmond but marrying Thomas Ray Morris I became TJ Morris. I was now taking one day at a time and would love God and confer on all I do with both Father and Mother God for there was always a male and female and God had always been. Love God and life will become better and guided. I would be the follower and God would lead me.